Settling isn’t just something women should be warned against — guys are in just as much danger of ending up with someone they’re not totally crazy about, and that sucks for both of us. I’m not going to stick around if it’s clear that a guy is more into the idea of me than who I actually am. Here’s why you need to be totally sure about me or leave me alone:
1. You need to like me for me. I’m not a replacement for your ex-girlfriend, a way to prove to your family that you’re finally in love, or social media bragging fodder. I’m a real human being with a personality and a lot of really great qualities (if I do say so myself). You need to like me for me and appreciate all the awesome things that make me who I am. If you don’t, then I don’t see this working out.
2. It needs to feel absolutely right. I can tell when something isn’t right, and you can too — you just don’t want to admit it to yourself. Being in a relationship needs to feel 100 percent right, and it needs to be natural. If those feelings aren’t there on your end, there’s no reason to try.
3. I hate settling and you should too. I would never, ever settle because I think that life is way too short for that bullsh*t. If you don’t like certain things about me but figure being with me is better than being alone, that’s not only kind of insulting but it’s also super lame. I’m cool with being single if it means not being with someone that would rather be with someone else or thinks I’m not good enough. You should be, too.
4. Love is a two-way street. If my feelings are stronger than yours, then that’s not a good scene, and I’m not going to wait around for you to change your mind. Love is a two-way street, and both people need to be on the same page from the beginning.
5. I don’t want to feel bad about myself. If you settle for me, then one thing is guaranteed to happen: I’m going to feel pretty awful about myself. I’m going to wonder why you don’t feel the same way and if I said or did something along the way to change your mind. The truth is, of course, that I did absolutely nothing and this is just the way that it goes sometimes. So why would I let myself go through this ridiculous mental exercise?
6. You can’t force matters of the heart. It’s totally silly and stupid to think that you could make something out of nothing. If you’re not crazy about me, then you’re forcing the relationship, and that’s only going to make both of us absolutely miserable. The sooner you realize this, the better.
7. I want to be wanted. You may think it’s okay if you settle for me, but the truth is that I would seriously miss out. I want to be wanted, and that means holding out for someone who feels the opposite way that you do. There are so many guys out there, it doesn’t make sense to think that you’re the only fish in the sea and that I could never find a guy who would actually care about me.
8. I have my own hopes and dreams. I don’t dream of being with a guy who doesn’t actually love me (and I don’t think that any woman in her right mind does). I dream of finding a love that is beautiful and magical and all that jazz. I haven’t been single AF all this time for nothing.
9. I want my experience to add up to something amazing. If I let you get away with not being crazy about me, then I’m settling too, and that’s not something I want to ever happen. I want my experience to mean something. I want my bad dates and almost relationships and confusing text messages to have brought me right here, right now, where I’m ready for something real.
10. You deserve real love. I’m not so conceited that I think that every guy has to fall for me or they’re nuts. If you’re settling for me, you need to stop for your own sake. You deserve to actually be in love and experience how totally amazing that is. You may swear that you like me but if you don’t love me, then that’s a problem. I’m going to let you go so you can find the right person. Trust me, you will thank me later.
By Aya Tsintziras for Bolde